SEX!
by senshixdoukeshi
Summary: Duo gets bored one night as the pilots drive home and suggests a game...


AN:  Most of the stuff I mention in this fic is true.  Yes, Sex is indeed a real car game and the rules mentioned in the fic are the real rules.  I actually got the idea for this fic when driving one night and seeing a car with only one headlight.  It's a fun game, if you have the time, play it! ^-^

Warnings: Silliness, vulgarity, mild Quatre torture, mild OOCness….well not really in my opinion but someone else might think so….yaoi and lime. ^-^

_Italics _denotes thoughts

**SEX!!!**

****

       The old army jeep rattled along the soft dirt road, its five teenage passengers rocking with its movements.  It was late, that much was certain.  The night lay around them in a soft blanket; no moon, only the glitter of stars and the distant colonies they had fought so hard to protect were visible.  The lonely lights of the jeep forged a straight path through the dark, revealing the narrow country road beneath the well-worn tires.

       Occasionally another car would pass them moving in the opposite direction, temporarily blinding the jeep's occupants as most drivers failed to turn off their brights.(1)  A boy with large violet eyes and long chestnut hair stared at the passing landscape from his position of shotgun.(2)  The night's dark shadows did not bother him, no they did something far worse…. They bored him.

       The bright pinprick of light that signaled an approaching vehicle moved down the road toward them.  The braided, self-proclaimed Shinigami otherwise known as Duo Maxwell sighed as he heard Heero flip the headlights down to low beams.  Just once he'd like to keep the high beams on just to blind the stupid fucks that would undoubtedly blind them.  _But nooo, the Perfect fucking Soldier says it's "unsafe"… Wait a minute…  _Duo's interest peaked as the nearing light didn't split into the usual two headlights.  As the truck rattled passed them, Duo grinned at the realization that that car had only one headlight.  That gave him an idea…

       "Hey guys!" Duo turned to look at the driver and the three other passengers in the back. "What do you say to a game?"

       "A game?" WuFei looked skeptically at the braided boy.

       "Yeah, a game, Wu-man." Duo turned farther so he could look directly at Chinese boy who sat behind him.  "It's kind of dull just sitting silent in the dark."

       "If it involves distracting the driver, Duo, we're not playing." Heero stated flatly. "I intend to get us back to the cabin in one piece."

       "No, it doesn't," Duo stuck his tongue out at Heero who snorted dismissively.

       "What's the game called?" Trowa intoned quietly, an amused half-smile playing over his lips.

       "Sex!" Duo grinned.

       Four sets of eyes turned to the maniacally grinning boy in shock.

       "One would think that would distract the driver." Trowa smiled slightly as Heero cursed and pulled the jeep back into its proper lane.

       "No, that's just the name of the game." Duo shook his head.

       "Oh?" WuFei raised an eyebrow. "And how does one play this game?"

       "Well, whenever a car with one headlight drives by you say sex as fast as you can.  The last person to say sex has to take off one article of clothing."

       The three boys in the back looked at each other skeptically.

       "Duo, I don't know about this…" Quatre replied shifting in his seat between Trowa and WuFei.  The wind ruffled the soft blonde locks.

       "Ah, come on Quat.  What harm could it do?  Besides how often do you see a car with one headlight?"

Meanwhile…

       Farther up the road a strange young woman with a shotgun began taking out one headlight of each upcoming car raving about bishies and laughing manically.

Back to our story…

       "He has a point…" Trowa replied slowly.

       "Did you guys hear something?" Duo asked practically standing up in his seat to look around.

       "No."

       "No."

       "Not a sound."

       "DUO! SIT DOWN!"

       The braided boy reluctantly plopped back down in his seat, sticking his tongue out at the messy-haired boy beside him again.

       "Duo, no more of your stunts." Heero growled.

       "What stunts?" Duo asked looking confused.

       "I believe he's referring to the time you tried to see how well you could balance on the hood of the car." WuFei clarified.

       "What's the big deal?" Duo turned to Heero.

       "We were on the highway going seventy at the time, Duo." Heero intoned dryly.

       "So?"

       Duo's one word question was met with an exasperated sigh from the driver.

       "If it keeps you in your seat, I'll play." Heero rolled his eyes.

       "ALL RIGHT!" Duo threw his fist into the air in a familiar sign on victory. "And the rest of you?"

       "Very well." Trowa smiled gazing amusedly at Heero from behind.

       "I accept your challenge." WuFei nodded at Duo solemnly.

       "Well, I don't know…" Quatre's voice grew meek as he caught the glare he was receiving from Heero in the rearview mirror. "All right."

       "Great," Duo shouted, and swiftly turned back around to face the road.  "Let the game begin!"

       The braided boy eagerly leaned forward, watching the road intently for upcoming cars.  As it was so late, none of the other passengers expected another car, much less a car without one headlight for a while so they were all quite shocked when rounding a curve they were left momentarily dazzled by the passing vehicle's one headlight.

       "Sex!" Duo cried immediately, his cheerful voice reminding the others of the importance of echoing that call.

       "…sex…"

       "Sex."

       "Sex!  There I said it, Duo, stay in your God DAMNED seat!"

       After a moment's silence, Duo slowly turned, a wicked smile lighting up his face as he gazed at the blonde riding bitch.(3)

       "um…sex…?" Quatre murmured, blushing.

       "Too late, Quat." Duo's grin widened. "Strip."

       "But-"

       The Arab's complaint was cut off by the glare leveled at him by a high-strung Heero Yuy via rearview mirror.  Quatre's eyes widened, darting around in momentary panic before he bent, and after a moment, presented one brown oxford to his braided comrade.(4)  Duo took the shoe and sighed.

       "If you're going to be boring and use your shoes then hand over the other one as well."

       "Why?" the blonde cried, embarrassed.

       "Because," Duo sighed, "socks and shoes come in pairs and are, therefore, considered a single article only if both halves of the pair are present."

       Quatre wanted to argue this logic but decided against it as Heero graced him with another patented Heero Yuy Death Glare TM.  He bent to take off the other shoe, missing the next vehicle as it lumbered passed, its one headlight lighting up the road with a narrow glare.

       "Sex!" Four voices chorused.

       Quatre started at the sudden noise.  Sitting up he found three gazes focused on him.

       "But-"

       "No buts, Quat," Duo's grin still firmly in place, "hand over the socks too."

       With an exasperated grunt, Quatre bent, removing his other shoe and socks before handing them over to Deathscythe's pilot.  Duo eagerly took the articles before turning to face the front to watch for traffic.

       By the time eight more cars had passed, tensions ran high in the small jeep.  WuFei had been momentarily blinded, first by Duo's hair and then his own as cars had passed costing him his shoes and his tank top.  Heero had been to busy yelling at Duo to call, sex, during one car's passing costing him a shirt which Duo was more that happy to remove with the aid of his handy army knife…so Heero wouldn't have to let go of the wheel, of course.  After the removal of the Perfect Soldier's shirt, Trowa seemed to have a bit of trouble concentrating making him lose his shoes, socks, and ever-present turtleneck.  And Quatre, caught up in stargazing, had lost his vest and then his shirt when he was trying to remove said vest.

       Out of all the pilots, Duo was the only one not to have had the necessity of removing his clothing.  Quatre leaned forward in his seat, peering ahead.  There was no way in hell he was going to lose his pants.  He tensed as he spotted a prick of light moving up the road.

       Duo blinked at the approaching vehicle, watching its progress carefully, but before he could even draw breath for speech a voice rang out behind him.

       "**SEX!!!**"

       Violet eyes blinked confusedly before Duo turned to peer at the disgruntled blonde situated in the middle seat in the back.  Quatre had his arms folded over his chest, his hands curling around his sides in an adorably self-conscious manner.  A telltale blush stained his cheeks, but his soft lips were set in a completely un-intimidating frown.

       Duo turned back to the road to observe the battered Dodge rumble down the deserted road.  He turned back to his blonde comrade.

       "Uh, Quat.  You can't just call out sex whenever you see a light on the road." Duo informed the Arabic pilot.

       Thin shoulders lifted and fell in a careless manner.  "So I made a mistake.  It's not like you can penalize me for it." Quatre returned dryly.

       "Um, actually Quat.  We can… and will." Duo finished with a smile, completely disregarding Quatre's wide eyes and slack jaw. "Pants, please."

       "But… You never said ANYTHING about penalties!" Quatre cried.

       "Exactly." Duo smirked. "I never said there weren't any."

       "That's outrageous!" Quatre raged.

       "Be that as it may, they are the rules." Duo nodded matter-of-factly.  "Trowa, WuFei, your assistance, please."

       "WHAT!"

       Quatre's demand was cut short as WuFei pinned his hands.  Trowa made short work of the brown belt even as Quatre struggled against his Chinese captor; he then unbuttoned and unzipped the beige slacks.  A few judicious tugs on the cuffs had the khakis off in no time, leaving a stunned Quatre sitting in his briefs.  The blush that spilled over Quatre's cheeks was visible in the glow of night, spreading down his neck and even coloring his chest in a bright pink flush.

       He drew his legs up, curling up on the seat in a poor attempt to save his modesty.  He stared resolutely at the floor of the car, desperately hoping that no other cars would pass by them.  He completely missed the appreciative glances he was receiving from a fellow pilot.  _And all in front of Duo…_the blonde Arab thought miserably.

       The rest of the ride to the cabin was spent in silence as four of the five pilots continued to keep vigilant watch for anymore one-headlight vehicles.  No more of the Cyclops cars were sighted and most of the pilot's breathed a sigh of relief as Heero pulled into the cabin driveway.

       "Duo, where are our clothes?" WuFei demanded as he gazed confused around the small jeep and found it devoid of any articles.

       The braided keeper of the confiscated materials bit his lip thoughtfully as the backseat riders watched him apprehensively.  

       "I thought I dropped something on the road." Duo replied with a sly grin.

       "MAXWELL!" WuFei cried angrily as Trowa shook his head.  Quatre could only gap at Duo dumbfounded.

       With an irritated huff, WuFei kicked open the jeep door and stormed out, slamming the door behind him as he stalked up to the cabin.  Heero calmly left the jeep being joined by Trowa a moment later as the acrobat hopped out of the automobile, disregarding the door.  The two quiet pilots headed up to the cabin together, leaving Quatre and Duo alone in the car.

       "Duo…" Quatre murmured, looking hurt.

       "Ah, come on Quat, cheer up!  Let's head inside." Duo intoned encouragingly.

       "I'm not getting out." Quatre replied miserably. "Someone might see me."

       Duo sighed. "Look, it's no big deal."

       "No big deal!" Quatre repeated standing. "It's humiliating!"

       "Look, Quatre," Duo frowned, standing and turning to face the blonde. "It's NOT a big deal, okay?!  Who's going to see you as late as it is?!  Besides that's…how…you…play…" Duo trailed, his gaze shifting from angry aqua eyes to the road beyond.

       Blinking, Quatre turned to see what had so desperately captured Duo's attention.  The blonde's eyes grew wide as he stared.  A van from the "Happy Dales Home for the Mentally Unstable" rumbled down the road, two weary white uniformed men in the cab and a young woman bouncing excitedly in the back.  But what was really amazing was the van's one headlight guiding the old automobile home.

       "…sex…" came the quiet murmur from behind Quatre.

       The blonde shivered as fingers brushed down his sides, eventually curling around the edges of his underwear.

       "Duo, please." Quatre turned, grabbing the hands as they began inching the underwear over his hips.  He was stopped by the hungry look in Duo's eyes.

       "Quatre," the American's voice whispered huskily, "the game doesn't end until you leave the car."

       Unable to argue, Quatre was left staring as his briefs were quickly removed from his hips and dropped to pool around his ankles.  He shivered as he stood exposed before Duo.

       "Quat, do you want to play sex?" Duo smiled feraly.

       "I thought we were…" Quatre whispered breathlessly.

       "Same name…" Duo purred, his arms sliding around Quatre's waist. "Different rules."

       With that he tugged the not-quite-resisting blonde close for a heated kiss.

*Owari* 

1. Yes, if you drive you know.  At night there are assholes that don't turn off their high beams and you are temporarily blind.

2. Shotgun: Passenger side front for the laymen

3. Riding Bitch: the middle seat in the back.  Again this is for the laymen.

4. I don't know why but once a fellow author of mine (skyprincess) said something about Quatre wearing oxfords and I haven't been able to let it go.

AN: Well I hope you all liked it.  Remember, Read and Review! ^-^


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